He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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