Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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