I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to calm my uterus...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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