I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
