Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
