I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
