Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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