I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
