apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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