Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
