She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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