Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
