arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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