And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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