i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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