Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
