there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
