Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
