I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
