I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
