So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize