ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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