I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
