I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You made out with two different species that night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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