ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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