GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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