Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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