I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
