obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
