at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
