I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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