thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
