Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize