When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
