Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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