Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
