There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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