It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
