Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
