we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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