Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
