last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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