So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
