im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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