do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
