we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize