'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
