Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
