There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
