I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
