I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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