someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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