saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
