you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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