Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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