Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
