so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
