you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Shame is for Republicans.
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