Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
