no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
