Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize