Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
