So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
