Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
