he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
