theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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