This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
