I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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