I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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