im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
