its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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