So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
