He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize