sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
