I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
our cab driver is having phone sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
