Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
