So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
