but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
