DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
